do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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