If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
