Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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