finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
