How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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