Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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