i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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