there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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