Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
