threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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