Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
