I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
