Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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