Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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