16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
