He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
