I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
