I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
