the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
