I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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