Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
