dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
