he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
