dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
