Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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