did you get engaged???
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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