literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
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I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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