My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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