You really coming over, don't trick.
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
