It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
