ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize