Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
