I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize