I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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