why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
