i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
