i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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