The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
