This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
