So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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