Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize