Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
