i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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