So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
