So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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