Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We are two peas in an std pod
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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