She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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