Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
