Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
