I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Please don't give away my fajitas
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
