I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
