this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
