There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
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We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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