If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
