u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
