Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
why is half of my head shaved?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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